A sunny winter afternoon in the gardens of Lord Elrond lead two young Hobbits and an elf into trouble.
“Prepare to meet your end you fiendish orc!” Meriadoc Brandybuck
shouted with glee as he stabbed with his sword at an imaginary foe. He stopped
abruptly and turned to his companion,
“What do you think Pip?”
Peregrin Took wrinkled him nose in thoughtful consideration,
“Well you didn’t scare me with that battle cry” he shrugged.
“Well what about this, flee you evil maggot ridden worm!” Merry cried loudly as he waved his sword around energetically.
A look of stark fear crossed the younger hobbits features,
“ Run for it! Here comes farmer Maggot!!” Pippin shrieked and then dissolved into giggles as he watched Merry bolt along the path and out of sight.
“Now that’s what I call a battle cry,” Pippin muttered between fits of laughter.
A few moments later a very cross-looking Merry returned,
“ That is not funny, you are just SO immature sometimes Pip” he pouted.
Pippin whipped away the tears that streamed down his face,
“You should have seen your face Merry” he grinned.
“And anyway, I bet those Orcs have never even heard of Farmer Maggot.” Merry said. Pippin did his best to keep a straight face as he answered his cousin.
“ Guess that won’t do then, we’ll have to think of something else.”
Both young hobbits began to drift along the path as they chatted and tried to think of suitable battle cries. And as usual there excellent sense of direction brought them to the side door that led to the kitchens and there they met Gandalf the Wizard.
“Ah, just the young folk I was looking for, we seem to have a mystery
to solve and I do believe you young gentlemen can help.” he greeted the
Merry and Pippin exchanged curious glances but followed when Gandalf beckoned to them. Gandalf led them indoors and along several winding corridors before he finally stopped. The Hobbits glanced around them but couldn’t see anything that looked vaguely mysterious which was disappointing.
“There” Gandalf said helpfully as he pointed at one of the walls and watched as the young Hobbits crowded in for a better look. Merry and Pippin looked but were none the wiser.
“Can we have a clue or something please Mr Gandalf?” Pippin asked politely.
The wizard gestured to a random pattern of tiny wholes in the wall,
“Does that help?” he asked patiently.
Both Hobbits shrugged, “ I don’t think so Mr Gandalf,” they both chorused.
“Well come along, there is more evidence to examine, perhaps that will help to jog your memories?” Gandalf said as he led them off and showed them several other places in the house were similar patterns of wholes appeared.
“Well my lads, any explanation as to where these mysterious wholes have come from?” Gandalf finally asked.
The young hobbits put their heads together in conference and then Merry spoke
“ It could be termites Mr Gandalf,” he suggested.
“ I believe termites only strike at wooden structures Meriadoc.” The wizard corrected.
“ Oh well, we really have no idea then Mr Gandalf, sorry we couldn’t help. “ Pippin said as he began to loose interest in the mystery.
Don’t you be so hasty my lads, Lord Elrond and I have consulted for many
hours on the subject and I believe we came to at least one conclusion…”
“What’s that Mr Gandalf?” Merry interrupted.
The wizard peered solemnly at his two small companions before answering,
“We came to the conclusion that this unexplained phenomenon appears uniformly at Hobbit height and I would wager a full pouch of Hobbit tobacco that those wholes match the sword tips of a certain pair of young Hobbits.”
Merry and Pippin starred at one another, they had no idea what a phenomenon
was, or what uniforms had to do with it but the mention of their swords and
wholes in the wall had to be bad news for them!
“ I…we…” Merry stammered
“We’re very sorry Mr Gandalf, really we are.” Pippin said quickly.
The shock of the young hobbits faces was enough to reassure the wizard that they really hadn’t been aware of what they were doing-this time. He smiles, deciding to go easy on them this once.
“ I’m sure Lord Elrond will accept your apologies if genuinely given, but to be sure you don’t forget and commit the same offence again you had better hand over those swords to me for safe keeping lads.” He finished.
Both hobbits were dismayed at the thought of no more swordplay, but grateful
to be avoiding serious trouble, so handed over the offending swords quickly.
“ We’re really sorry Mr Gandalf.” Pippin said as Merry began to drag him away.
“And don’t forget to make your apologies to Lord Elrond,” the wizard called after them.
To be continued…. They escaped a spanking this time but will their luck
hold out in part two?
Misadventure in the House of Elrond 4 (LOTR) pt2
That same afternoon
A dejected looking pair of Hobbits sat on the wall in Elrond’s garden-what were they going to do to keep themselves occupied now that their swords had been confiscated! Merry, being the slightly more mature of the pair had suggested they could do some research in the library for there upcoming trip. But to Pippin that sounded more like work and they didn’t want to get into the bad habit of volunteering to do work when it could be avoided. Pippin needed to be kept amused if he was to say out of trouble his older cousin acknowledged and even then it didn’t always work! At length they wandered down one of the paths in the garden and came upon a splendid looking elf that they remembered as Legolas, Aragorn’s friend from the secret meeting they weren’t meant to have been ears dropping at. They watched him from a distance for a little while then crept closer, curiosity getting the better of Pippin.
“What ya doing Legolas?” he asked.
The elf looked up and returned their curious stare,
“ I am making repairs to my spare bow master Pippin” Legolas replied softly.
All signs of shyness gone the two young Hobbits crowded in to get a closer look at the elven bow. Pippin became bold even and reached out to touch the delicate bow.
“We’ve never used a bow before, could you teach us please?” Pippin asked in awe.
Legolas smiled, “I thought you favoured the sword young master Pippin?”
Before his young cousin could give away to much information Merry quickly jumped in, “ We’ve never been this close to an elven bow before and anyway, shouldn’t we know how to use more than one weapon?”
Legolas gave the hobbits an amused look, not expecting to hear such a sensible suggestion from the young Hobbit. Perhaps the complaints he had overheard by the human Boromir where somewhat exaggerated-a common trait with humans!
“ Perhaps I could find a suitably lightweight bow for you to try your hand with, come, we will go and make enquiries to that effect.” The elf said as he got up and gathered his own equipment,
“ I will not be taking you away from chores or the like?” he asked as an after thought, just in case there was any truth in Boromir’s complaints of the youngsters getting there unsuspecting companions into trouble.
“Oh no, we’re quite free to go and take a lesson with you Legolas.” Merry assured him with confidence.
“Very well then, if a suitable bow can be found we will take a trip to the forest-these gardens are not the place for young Hobbits and bow and arrows to come together!” Legolas said wisely.
The elf was very pleased with the young Hobbits progress, although he had quickly
learnt that is was best to stand behind them as they were let loose with an
arrow notched to bow. It was quite rewarding to see that the target was even
hit on occasion. A commotion interrupted Legolas’s thoughts on his teaching
“My arrow was closest to the target Pippin!”
“You need eye glasses Merry! That was my arrow, yours fell out!”
Merry made a snatch for the bow in Pippin’s hands.
Legalas intervened and took the bow from Pippin himself,
“Perhaps it is time we ended the lesson if your concentration is beginning to lapse young Hobbits, this is no toy, an arrow can kill!” Legolas added firmly.
“We’re sorry Legolas, can you show us how to make that shot again…we’ll
pay attention, wont we Merry?” The younger Hobbit said contritely.
“Please, Legolas, show us again.” Merry backed up his cousin’s request, not wanting the lesson to end.
“Very well, but pay attention no more squabbling.” The elf commanded as he notched an arrow into the bow and began to prepare his shot, but his own concentration was slightly marred by a glimpse of Merry and Pippin pushing and shoving each other just behind him. Legolas stared in absolute shock as his arrow flew from the bow and went wide of its intended target. Unfortunately it found and unintended target.
Gandalf the wizard stroke angrily from the deep woods, his magnificent wizards hat was in his hands rather than on its usual position on his head. Elf and Hobbits noticed in horror that an arrow protruded from the hat where it had no business being.
“ I think we might be in trouble.” Merry whispered to Pippin.
“ We didn’t do it!” Pippin exclaimed in a hushed tones.
“Don’t think that’s gonna help Pip.”
By this time Gandalf had reached them and held out the extracted arrow,
“Would one of you lads care to explain how this came to end up almost taking my eye out and ruining a perfectly good hat?” he asked the hobbits crossly. Neither one answered, Gandalf took pity on their terror stricken faces and softened his tone slightly.
“ Come along, speak up, which one of you is responsible for this?” He said as he stuck a finger through the whole in his hat.
Legolas stepped forward, “ that would be me, it was my arrow.”
The wizard studied the young elf,
“Very commendable Legolas but you need not cover up your students mistakes-I take it that you have been giving the lads lessons in bowmanship? Unwise perhaps but hardly blame worthy.”
“ It was I who shot the arrow Gandalf, I cover for nobody, and the blame is fully mine.”
Gandalf is still not satisfied with this explanation and questions the elf further,
“ You are an experienced Archer Legolas, you do not miss your targets, I can see no explanation other than you are trying to spare the lads my wrath.” With that Gandalf favours the young Hobbits with a knowing look and watches them shrink back in fright. A deep shade of crimson flushed the elf’s facial features as his mortification grows, and he hangs his head to hide his shame.
“ I allowed myself to become distracted, I missed my target and didn’t realise anyone was near by and could have become a victim of my stray arrow. “
Gandalf pats Legolas on the shoulder, “ It never occurred to you to wonder why the lads sudden interest in the elven bow I assume? Not did you notice their lack of swords?” The wizard turns his attention on the hobbits.
“ And I look forward to listening to your excuses for taking advantage
of Legolas’s good nature…well out with it lads! I’m waiting.”
“We didn’t mean to take advantage honestly Mr Gandalf, you didn’t say we couldn’t take lessons with Legolas.” Merry tried.
“We didn’t shoot your hat though Mr Gandalf, that wasn’t our fault.” Pippin wheedled.
Gandalf turned to the youngest of the troublemakers,
“And is it likely that Legolas would have been out here “playing” in the woods if not for you and your accomplice?” The wizard demanded.
“ I don’t know about that Mr Gandalf, don’t know Legolas well enough to say.” Pippin answered a little smugly and very unwisely.
“Wrong answer master Took!! If you are not sorry for the trouble you have caused now you will be very shortly my boy I can assure you.” The wizard takes Merry and Pippin firmly by the ear and starts for home.
“ I didn’t mean that I wasn’t sorry, I’m always sorry Mr Gandalf.” Pippin squeaks in pain as he trots along on tiptoes.
“Oh shut up Pip, you and your big mouth.” Merry groans as he also trots to keep up.
The wizard slows briefly to look back at the elf,
“Well come along Legolas don’t keep me waiting, I have spankings to administer.”
Back in the scenic gardens of the Lord Elrond Legolas watched as the wizard sat on a wall and one by one takes the two young hobbits across his knee and thrashes their up turned bottoms. He guessed that this must be the spanking that the wizard referred to; he also wondered how two such small creatures could howl so loudly. The elf also pondered his fate, would he be sent home in disgrace to his father, or suffer the same undignified punishment as the young folk.
Gadalf landed the final slap to Merry’s bottom and then helped the young
Hobbit back to his feet. He pointed across to where Pippin sat against the wall
still sobbing after his spanking, “ Go and take care of Pippin.”
“Yes Sir.” Merry said through his tears, which he whipped at with his jacket sleeve.
“ A wizard’s work is never done.” Gandalf comments to himself
as he beckons Legolas over to him. The elf complies quickly, wondering what
fate is awaiting him.
Gandalf keeps his seat on wall as he looks up at the fair elven warrior before him,
“I know that it is quite feasible to look upon your part in this wanton destruction of my property as an innocent victim of unbridled young Hobbit enthusiasm…”
“But, you are an elven warrior of some considerable experience and you should not have let your guard down so fully! “
“You will send me home to my father?” Legolas asked hesitantly.
“ I think not, at a time like this we need every warrior we have, I have in mind a less drastic punishment, although while it is being administered and for some time after you may not agree that it is the lenient of the two punishments.”
“You intend to punish me in the same manner as you did the Hobbits?” Legolas asked.
“Indeed, now over with you, the sooner we start the sooner it will be over.” Gandalf said as he patted his knees.
Legolas draped himself over the wizard’s knee and felt a strong arm settle about his slender waist to secure him in place, but not before his tunic was rearranged to give access to his hose clad behind. The elf didn’t have much time to wonder what a spanking would be like as the wizard went straight to business covering Legolas’s bottom with a succession of hard spanks. Legolas liked to think that he didn’t howl as loudly as the young Hobbits had but in all fairness he couldn’t be sure! He was far too distracted by the fiery pain that grew in his thoroughly spanked bottom. It was finally over and Legolas was grateful to accept a helping hand to regain his feet and quickly settled his clothing back into place.
Gandalf also rose to his feet and then wagged a finger in the elf’s face,
“Just because a creature looks young and harmless don’t assume that is the case, remember that and it will be a lesson well learnt. Now off with you.” And with that the wizard strode away.
Merry and Pippin are leaning against the garden wall as the last of their sniffles
are being whipped away on damp sleeves. Gimli the dwarf passes by sharpening
his axe on a stone. Merry turns to Pippin,
“I wonder what it would be like to smash in an Orc’s head with one of those axes?” he says with bloodthirsty glee.
“Lets go ask Gimli and maybe he’ll even let us have a look at his axe! Quick, lets catch up with him.” Pippin grinned as they start to run along the path after the departing Dwarf. Before they can catch up with Gimli they run into Legolas and out of politeness and guilt at getting him into trouble they skid to a halt.
“We’re sorry we got you a spanking Legolas” Merry began shyly
“It must have really been a bad one cause we heard you howl…” Pippin didn’t get to finish as his cousin tactfully dug him in the ribs.
“We’re are you off to in such a hurry?” Legolas asked, glad to change the topic of conversation.
“We’re going to ask Gimli what its like to bash in an orc’s head with that axe of his-do ya he’s killed many Orc’s?” Pippin asked with enthusiasm.
Legolas thought it would be a good idea to steer the conversation away from bashing in enemy heads,
I wouldn’t know about that Pippin but I’m off to see what Master Frithlonn has to offer for dinner tonight, I’m starving. So I’ll bid you a good evening.”
The mention of food had the desired affect and all thoughts of Gimli and his axe were forgotten, temporarily at lest.
“ I wonder if he’ll be cooking those delicious honeyed apples for desert tonight?” Merry asked.
“Or those berry pies?” Pippin added
“Lets go see.” They both said at once and followed Legolas in the direction of the path to the kitchens.
Legolas smiled to himself as the young Hobbits dashed past him and wondered if Gimli realised the close call of the Hobbit kind, he had just had, and if he was likely to appreciate the elf’s efforts on his behalf. Probably not!